deirdres blog

2010-05-24T11:54:00.002+01:00

My posts are so infrequent I wonder if I can even call myself a blogger ! I guess not. I turned another year older last week (35 yikes!!)

The best bit was having someone special to share it with :D

It's so hard to put into words what I want to say - to him, to the world. Hmmmmm....
Sometimes I could shout from the rooftops & sometimes I just want to whisper quietly so only you can hear....

"You mean the world to me ! I never thought I would be this happy.... I love you xx"

All you need is love

2009-11-16T11:44:00.002Z

So again I find it's been months since I posted. I have a good excuse (well I think so :) ). In my last post, I was lamenting over the lack of a man in my life. This is no more !!

I've been dating an amazing man for 4 months now. It is weird to talk about having a 'boyfriend' & being introduced as someone's 'girlfriend', but in a nice way.

I've never been happier.

I'm not going to post details here, if you want to know our story, you'll have to email & ask!

(Un) Lucky In Love

2009-06-09T21:48:00.001+01:00

I turned 34 last month. Another year older & still single. I've got to thinking a lot about relationships & that "special someone". I've been single a (long) while & sometimes it feels like I've forgotten what it's like to have that special someone in my life - someone to hold & to love (and to be loved)

As I turn another year older & with all that has happened in our family in the last year, I've got to thinking about where I'm headed in life. I would love to have my own family one day (tho I think sometimes I'd rather foster kids than have my own - maybe my work will take a different path in the future, who knows).

I do know that I don't want to be single the rest of my life - I want to share my life with someone & have them share their life with me. This doesn't mean I'm gonna run off with the first guy I come across that shows any interest, but I need to put myself out there rather than expect him to drop out of the sky (cos let's face it, he probably won't).

Enuff of the philosophising for tonight (& I haven't even had any wine to blame it on!)

Blogging

2009-06-06T15:13:00.000+01:00

I've really sucked at blogging these past 6 months. I've no excuse. Time to get back on board & give it a go. I looked thru all my friends blogs that used to blog weekly - none of them blog either. Most of their sites are gone.

But I shall remain !! (Yep I'm stubborn!)

Anyone out their recommend new blogs for me to read ?

2008-09-23T17:04:00.002+01:00

I wish there was more to say...... but there isn't. Not up to much these days except working my way thru the box set of "Criminal Minds" (I highly recommend it as a series if you are into psychology or profiling or that sort of thing).

O and I'm looking forward to reading "Jesus Wants to Save Christians" by Rob Bell - it's out next month. I already have 6 copies on order so I can give it to my friends (you know who you are !!) I might even review it here.

All Moved In

2008-08-25T23:37:00.003+01:00

I've been offline for a while.

I moved into my new turn-key house on the 4th July - Independance Day in more ways than one. It's all set up & furnished now. The joys of a turn-key house - already painted & carpeted -all that was left to do was to get some furniture & move in.

Loving the space. Might put up some photos so you can see what I've done with the place...

It's taken a while, but I finally got sorted with the 'tinernet & I'm back online.

Self Harm

2008-04-18T20:48:00.001+01:00

There is an interesting discussion happening on ASBO Jesus about self-harm/ self-injury. The openness & honesty of individuals as they share is impressive.

Tootle on over to here to check it out.

House Update.......

2008-03-08T22:53:00.003Z

Well, just thought I should let those of you in blogland know that I have got to the "sale agreed" part of buying my dream house. Am in the joyous ( expensive) process of sorting a solicitor, surveys & mortgage application.

Due to sign at the start of July.

Fingers & toes crossed it all goes smoothly

**** UPDATE ****

As of 14 April the house is all off :( There was just too much work needing done. Back to the house viewing drawing board......

Bartering for a House

2008-02-22T17:08:00.000Z

Have been looking for a house for the past month or so & have found one I particularly like. As I enter the negoiation stage of trying to agree a price, it strikes me that buying a house is like bartering in the Marrakech souk. I half expect the estate agent to say "I give you good price" as we talk.

He gives his price......... I offer my lowest price....... he drops a bit...... I go up a bit.........

All the same rules apply too - never look too interested or go up in price too quickly. Take your time etc etc. and hopefully you both end up with a price you are happy with.

Snow

2008-01-07T20:27:00.000Z

It snowed last Thursday night/ Friday morning - quite a bit (we really aren't used to this much snow here). Here are some pics of what greeted me at 6:10am when I had to dig my car out to go to work on Friday morning !

A wee pic of our poor magnolia tree laden down with snow

Our street - the pic doesn't do it justice. Trust me....

New Year Thoughts

2008-01-02T21:05:00.000Z

So as it turns to 2008 I am left pondering about 2007 & at the same time looking to the future. It seems strange to be writing 2008 already - 2007 seems to have gone in a blink of an eye. I must be getting old.

2007 was an up and down year - as I reflect back (as I'm sure many have) I can see up & down times.

I grieve for lost friendships, a church left behind, many missed opportunities.

At the same time, I have much to celebrate & be thankful for. I still have friends who I am deeply grateful for & love dearly - they accept me as I am & don't try to make me something I'm not (I hope you know who you are). I have a new job (well 10 months old now!) that I enjoy (most days), a new church that I may settle at (and with that some wonderful new friends - in particular I pay tribute to Joyce who is one of the most friendly & welcoming people I have ever met, who has accepted me & welcomed me & is a star in every sense of the word!!).

As I look forward to 2008 I am deeply thankful for my many blessings.

I had a "healing moment" today. I met someone by chance & quite unplanned (must be a God-moment - the best kind)& had a conversation with them about a past hurt from 2007 that was continuing to nip at my ankles(its the only way to describe it) & raise its ugly head every now & again, causing pain & hurt all over again. This individual listened, apologised & took responsibility for those hurts (despite having nothing to do with them). We hugged & I left. As I walked away I can honestly say I felt lighter. Something in my spirit has shifted. Maybe 2008 won't be so bad after all.

Thoughts

2007-12-18T09:50:00.000Z

I have a lot of thoughts in my head right now. I just can't figure out if I should blog them !!

Quote

2007-11-11T19:54:00.001Z

I've had this quote stuck above my bedroom mirror for a couple of years. It continues to challenge me as I try to live by it. Its not always easy to do, but I guess there are worse things I could try & live by.

"Care more than others think necessary.
Trust more than others think wise.
Serve more than others think practical."

Anonymous

Gorillias & Chocolate

2007-11-09T11:46:00.000Z

If you live in the UK you may have seen this very cool ad (tho how it relates to chocolate i've still to work out)

Found a load of "alternatives" on You Tube. I like this one (bring back the 80's)

Life

2007-10-28T09:56:00.000Z

Hmmmm my life has been like this of late (well work life anyway). All I seem to do these days is work..... sleep..... work....... sleep. The joys of shift work !!

Thanks to ASBO Jesus for the pic!

Templates & Such

2007-10-02T20:20:00.000+01:00

Have just attempted to update my template settings & blogroll. Failed miserably.

All I've managed to do is get different bullets beside the blogs I read and wierd line spacing.

Grrrrr.

I give up. Maybe another day when my brain is working I'll fix it.

On a brighter note, Graceland is back. Click on over and check it out.

Home

2007-09-24T10:07:00.001+01:00

"Home is ultimately not about a place to live but about the people with whom you are most fully alive. Home is about love, relationship, community, and belonging, and we are all searching for home."

Erwin McManus, Soul Cravings

O to find a place to call "home".

2007-08-24T15:43:00.000+01:00

Have been doing some trawling of new (well new to me) blogs over the last few weeks and found the above picture here. Made me stop in my tracks - it kinda describes my relationship with Jesus at the minute . My attempts at conversations with Jesus have been few & far between of late and those that I've had feel like they've been bouncing off the ceiling. Not good.

INFJ part 2

2007-08-23T10:08:00.000+01:00

Me and the INFJ sites have done some talking.

Apparently this is kinda what I am like. Those of you who know me can judge for yourself.

Introverted - yup - I'm an introvert. I do "do" social interaction, but if you put me in a large group of people, you'll find me sitting quietly in a corner (or just talking to the people I know). I am rejuvenated by time alone or with a few friends.

I do have lots to say (especially if the subject is something I am passionate about -don't get me started !!) but won't always say it - I'd rather listen.

iNtution - I think I float between this and Sensing - definitely need to be more sensing in work where being concrete, facts, details and practicalities are important. But so are looking to the future & possibilities (which I spend alot of work time looking at too..... I guess this suits me well). I spend probably far too much time reading into things and can be too idealistic for my own good.

Feeling Again this screams me ! Probably the strongest of all the characteristics. I make decisions with my heart rather than facts (unless I'm in work) and go with principles and values (what I believe in) - I can't rule with my head. Feelings are important. I rely on intution and my feelings alot to make decisions.

I HATE conflict and will pretty much do anything to avoid it (including not giving my opinion unless I'm REALLY passionate about it). I think I do empathy and caring for others pretty well too (just to blow my own trumpet for a moment). I don't do logic much (unless its puzzles..... pretty addicted to Sudoku at the minute).

Judging Some of these are true - I'm organised and structured, yes, I like lists (only so I remember what all I've to do!). Closure is good (most of the time). I don't think I'm that decisive, until I've made a decision and then I'll stick to it, so maybe I am...... (that what such an indecisive sentence.... ha ha!!) but I also see Perceiving traits in me too - I am a very random thinker at times. And if I have to write reports in work I am the world's worst at procrastinating, as much as I hate myself for it & would rather have it written ! I think I'm adaptable as much as I like organisation and relative structure (although that's maybe more to do with not liking conflict!).

INFJ

2007-08-19T19:44:00.000+01:00

Am still working out to be what it means to be an INFJ - doing some reading (and more online testing). Certainly what I'm reading seems to fit with what I understand about my personality.....

more to come .......

Personality Testing

2007-08-13T22:25:00.000+01:00

I've seen this test springing up on a number of blogs recently & decided to see if I have a personality......

I've done a number of these Myers-Briggs type tests over the past few years while I've worked in various jobs (they say your personality can change depending on your job and what the focus of it is...... something about adaptability).

Over the years my results have always come out as an INFJ (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging). I guess I must be pretty set in my ways..... I'd rather just think of myself as unique :)

I'll blog about what I think about my results in the next few days.

Say Hello, Wave Goodbye

2007-08-09T10:12:00.000+01:00

Hmmmmm am being a bad blogger at the minute. There is stuff I want to write, but I'm afraid that I might offend some people if I do. I'm not ready to offend those people just yet, though I might be in a few days, you never know ;)

Since moving on from CLB (church left behind) & when I've felt up to it I've visited a few places trying to see if there is somewhere I can connect with & find God. As I've visited other churches, I've slowly become more disillusioned with what church in the 21st Century is.

Several times I've walked into a church over the past few months, sat on my own (strategically on the end of a row in the middle of the room), and left again after the service an hour later with no one having spoken to me, apart from the odd smile as people climbed over me to get a seat. At first I thought maybe they were visitors too, but judging by the conversations they were having with others on the rows either side, maybe not.....

Even hanging around after for a bit to try & find out a bit more about the church didn't elict conversation.......

I have a couple of things in my head from these experiences - either how we (the collective) do church these days is dead & needs changed or the Christians I came into contact with really were just unfriendly & need reminded to 'welcome the stranger into their midst'.

I guess my thought, or plea, or whatever you want to call it is this: to faith communities - look out for the stranger/ visitor in your midst and say hello. I'm not asking for you to tell me your life story or be my best friend, I just want to feel like I can connect with someone for 5 minutes. Cos at the minute I'm waving goodbye to the churches I've visited & don't know if I'll be back.

Summer Madness

2007-07-12T15:05:00.000+01:00

or should that be Summer Muddiness ? It was rather wet & muddy to say the least - many a soggy meal was eaten and tents shook as people triped over the guy ropes in the semi darkness.

Got back from Summer Madness just over a week ago - it's taken me this long to recover - I think I'm still recovering !! So is my tent - it's still pitched in the garden drying out - if only it would stop raining so I could take it down 'sigh'

Had a great time hanging out with the youf & chilling out... tying Duff's shoelaces together....drinking coffee late into the night.... listening to music (Juilet Turner & Foy Vance are particular highlights) as well as burning dinner on the BBQ...... (and attending the odd seminar)

Many thanks go to Hannah, Duff, & Laura who helped out immensely (and even cooked without giving anyone food poisoning Monday night - Neil & I really appreciated the night off). They also put up with me hanging out with them & talking rubbish (and teaching them the secrets of youth work as they begin their careers as youth workers (lol) ). You guys ROCK !

Hannah was posting on her Bebo some SM sayings - so i've stolen some of them & added some more (they probably won't make sense to anyone who wasn't there but they made me smile):

1) Rowan left me an airbed in my yawning!
2) You can stand under my umbrella... ella.... ella....
3) I seem to have acquired... (insert any random object/person/place/thing)
4) I'm allergic to... [again insert anything, except heat!]
5) Don't roll left on an airbed
6) "Deirdre is it goin to be dry tonight?" Deirdre "I dunno, why?" Joe "Cuz i wana leave all my stuff outside"
7) DEBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
8) Respect the Deb!
9) your boob's showin
10) sBsUsM lol it says bum
11) Black is best

It was a fun weekend - maybe next year we'll all be back as youth leaders.......

The Simple Way

2007-07-08T10:51:00.000+01:00

Have been reading "The Irresitible Revolution - Living Life as an Ordinary Radical" by Shane Claiborne recently & haved liked what he has had to say. Was checking out their website last week & was sad to read that their premises & houses beside them had been destroyed in a major fire.

The work they do & the influence they have had on their local community is obvious - if you have a few spare quid, please consider donating it to these guys by clicking here so they can help rebuild their community & lives of those around them.

2007-06-29T10:40:00.000+01:00

It's been a busy few weeks......

On the back of my bruises & personal protection training, I've joined a gym to improve my strength & overall fitness - all I've done is aggravated my shin splints :( Think I'll just stick to swimming.

Have been to the beach a couple of times with friends when the sun has been shining, which to be honest hasn't been at all these last couple of weekends..... or weekdays..... Davey brought his stunt kites - here are a few pics of the boys trying them out.

And so onto this weekend - have booked the week off work - am heading this afternoon with about 15 young people to Summer Madness, a Christian youth festival. It should be a laugh although the weather forecast is atrocious - I fear we shall be washed away !! Tents, mud & Jesus - what more could we ask for ?? Am looking forward to hearing Brian McClaren speak, that and the burnt burgers that Neil will no doubt feed us !

Bruises

2007-06-08T20:09:00.000+01:00

I've spent the past week in training with my job doing personal protection type training - the usual self defence stuff & then some. I'm shattered - I haven't had this much excercise in years - I'm turning over a new leaf and joining a gym. On another note I'm also sore - I counted my bruises this evening - I have 29 on my arms alone...... ouch !!

Lurking

2007-05-28T09:39:00.000+01:00

Hey to all the lurkers out there.

Was looking at my web visits report last week and discovered that people from all over the world have stopped by at one point or another to have a read (or maybe have just jumped straight past..... who knows).

There have been visitors from Albania, Australia, Brazil, Canada, China, Czech Republic, Egypt, France, Finland, Germany, Greece, India, Indonesia, Italy, Latvia, Malta, Norway, Poland, Romania, Spain, St Kitts & Nevis, Sweden, USA.

It's really cool how the web has brought countries and people that little bit closer, despite being many miles apart. Please, take a moment and introduce yourselves so we know who you are.

Joke of the Week

2007-05-19T22:41:00.000+01:00

We were having pizza tonight with some of the young people I work with. One of the young people told this joke:

A man walks into a pizza shop & orders a pizza. The man behind the counter asks him "would you like it cut into 4 pieces or 6 ?"

The customer replies "Oh only 4 pieces, I couldn't eat 6."

We actually thought it was quite funny - until he proceeded to explain the joke......

Sometimes it's better to say nothing at all.........

2007-05-16T09:30:00.000+01:00

Two Canadian geese decided to fly south for the winter. A frog was sitting next to them as they decided this and he decided he wanted to go as well. The geese laughed and said "you're just a frog- you can't fly!" The frog knew that he didn't want to stay in the cold, so he thought and thought and thought.

"I got an idea!" the frog said. He found a long stick. "You two hold this stick in your claws and I'll hold on to the middle."

"With what?" the geese asked. "Your little hands could never hold on to a stick!"

"With my mouth" said the frog, proud of his idea.

So the geese put the stick in there claws, the frog clamped on with his mouth and they began to fly south successfully. A day or two later, a crowd of people looked up and saw the two geese flying overhead, holding a stick with a frog holding on in the middle with his mouth. Someone in the crowd exclaimed, "What a brilliant idea- I wonder who thought of that?"

The frog proudly exclaimed "I did!"

Happy Birthday To Me

2007-05-15T22:46:00.000+01:00

Well, it's the beginning of my 33rd year on the planet - I feel old !!

A quick observation on birthdays & the web......

It was a strange thing to log into my email account this morning and find emails from various online services and companies that I've joined online over the years wishing me happy birthday. I guess that takes customer serive to a whole new level.

If only my friends & I were better at keeping in touch with each other. I suck at writing emails at the minute. Sorry folks. I'll try & do better this year.

What Is My Legacy ??

2007-05-07T10:10:00.000+01:00

Went to hear my good friend Jude preach at her church yesterday. She was finishing off a series on Joshua & asked the question "What is my (your) legacy ?". What do you want to be known/ remembered for when you are gone.

Good question.

I think I want to be remembered for being a good friend; for standing up for what I believe in; for making a stand when I see injustice towards others. I want to make a difference in the lives of the people I work with - I don't expect to make a difference in the lives of everyone I meet/ work with, but if I can make a difference in one young person's life, or help them make changes in their life for the better, then it'll have been worth it.

Courage

2007-05-05T22:22:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Day:

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says... I'll try again tomorrow"

Unknown

Finally...... a wine glass that makes sense

2007-05-02T11:18:00.000+01:00

need i say more ?

Day at the Beach

2007-04-30T10:18:00.000+01:00

We had to cancel our youth weekend a couple of weeks ago. So.... Neil & I took some of the youth (well 4 of them) up to the Portrush area for the day. We had a lot of fun chilling out and eating (amazingly Sam was actually full and refusing food at one point - those of you who know him will know how unusual this is). The sun was shining and it was good to feel the water run thru my toes on the beach (and damn cold too!!)

We got to play frisbee on the beach which rocked - Gems is pretty good at it. I'm just too unfit to run or jump anywhere.

And practised our golf skills. We weren't too bad - at least we didn't lose the golf balls over the edge of the cliff......

We had a lot of fun - We won't be seeing so much of these guys as the heads hit the books to study for A levels. I'm sure parents everywhere will love me for saying this - but don't study too hard guys. Remember to come and see us.......

Monsters Inc

2007-04-27T17:05:00.000+01:00

Apparently if I was a monster my name would be thus:

Get Your Monster Name

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......

Redemption & Reconnecting

2007-04-08T20:48:00.000+01:00

Today is Easter Sunday. As I was driving to work this morning at 6:30am it was just getting light & I could see the mist hanging over the fields by the road as I drove. I got to thinking - was this like the garden where Mary met Jesus all those years ago ? That first Easter morning when it was proclaimed "Christ is risen!"

And then I got to thinking about other firsts & new starts that I have experienced & am experiencing at the minute.

I've started a new job just over a month ago - its a very different environment to the one I was working in before but one I am enjoying. Its nice to wake up in the morning & look forward to going to work. It's been a while since I felt like that. A nice first.

On the other hand, I left what was once my "home" church a few weeks ago. In recent months decisions were made that I didn't agree with and with much heartache I decided to leave before staying destroyed me emotionally & spiritually. And so I find myself without a spiritual home. It's been weird cos while it freaks me out (probably the Protestant ethic part that says "you must go to church on Sunday") but at the same time I don't feel that I need to rush & start attending another church. It's even made me rethink what is church ? What does it mean to do church ?

So as I walk into a new life with whatever my idea of church was, I know it's important for me to stay connected to God & to friends - for now church to me is having coffee with friends in Starbucks or some other local cafe - be that on a Sunday, or another day of the week (who said "church" had to be on a Sunday ?); going to the park & playing sport/ having a picnic; hanging out with a chinese takeaway & a bottle of wine with friends; listening to pastors/ preachers from other churches around the world on my Ipod. I don't think it really matters how I connect with God or friends - the important thing is that I do it - it would be easy to fall into the routine of 'get up.... go to work..... come home.... get up.... go to work..... come home....' and cut myself off from everyone. I choose not to do that - I choose friends, I choose God, I choose God's redemption - that he can heal me & others who have been hurt more than me & that however we connect with Him, He offers us His redemption.

"Christ is risen. Hallelujah !"

New Job

2007-03-19T16:46:00.000Z

It's been ages and ages since i posted. Such a bad blogger :(

I started my new job 2 weeks ago. Am based in a secure accomodation facility for young offenders. I have almost finished my induction. Am really enjoying it so far ....... the staff team are great - they've been helpful in helping me understand what exactly it is I'm supposed to be doing !! Still getting used to working shifts - being up at 6am is a bit of a shock to the system, altho it's nice being finished at 3:30pm. Evenings haven't been too much of a problem cos I was always used to working them anyway.

It's been a change since my last post as a lone worker much of the time and it is nice to be part of a team & have some support. All in all a good move :)

New Job !!

2007-02-03T17:40:00.000Z

So several months ago I started writing about the saga of hoping for a new job. It was the two year anniversary on the 1st of February since starting the job I'm in at the minute. I came home that afternoon to find a letter on the door mat offering me a new job (the same one I interviewed for last Nov).

I'm so excited !!!! So I handed in my notice with my current job & start this one of 5th March. I've learnt a lot in this job - but I can't wait for what comes my way in this one. Who knows - with the pay increase, I might even be able to look for a house :)

Lent

2007-02-03T17:33:00.000Z

Over at Graceland, Mark is exploring what Lent means & what we could give up/ take up for Lent. I'd posted a couple of my thoughts:

* build on the 'create a moan free zone' - be intentionally positive towards others - tell people what you appreciate about them - dare i say write a note/ email/ text/ make a phone call to tell someone you appreciate them

* give up chocolate/ Chinese/ wine -whatever your 'wind down' spoil yourself thing is - give the money you save to a charity

* read a book by someone you would not normally read - if you read emerging church type folks (Rob Bell/ Shane Claiborne or the like) read something written before postmodernism arrived & vice versa. Take some time to rediscover faith from a different perspective.

The only other idea I've come up with is:

* Turn off your radio/ CD player in the car/ house/ place of work - use the time to pray/ tune into God. (Dare I suggest that one could consider fasting TV for Lent ?)

If you have any ideas, post them here, or mosey over to Graceland & leave a comment.

Of Mice & Men

2007-01-26T20:22:00.000Z

Well just mice really...............

I was sitting in our back room on the computer on Wednesday night when out of the corner of my eye I saw something moving.

Yes. It was a mouse.

Big girl's blouse that I am, I screamed.

I'm such a woose !! I don't mind mice usually - as long as they aren't running across the floor. And he was quite cute. My mum sadist that she is got the torch out so she could have a look at him - the wee thing was quivering with fright behind the computer speakers. So the traps have been employed, complete with Mars Bar. I'd borrow my friend Ali's cat George, but she maintains that he's too stupid to catch a mouse. The traps have been down for 2 days - so far - nothing. This is one clever mouse.

33 Names of Things You Never Knew You Had Names

2007-01-17T20:57:00.000Z

So got this link from Youth Specialties weekly mailing. It reads thus:

1. AGLET - The plain or ornamental covering on the end of a shoelace.

2. ARMSAYE - The armhole in clothing.

3. CHANKING - Spat-out food, such as rinds or pits.

4. COLUMELLA NASI - The bottom part of the nose between the nostrils.

5. DRAGÉES - Small beadlike pieces of candy, usually silver-coloured, used for decorating cookies, cakes and sundaes.

6. FEAT - A dangling curl of hair.

7. FERRULE - The metal band on a pencil that holds the eraser in place.

8. HARP - The small metal hoop that supports a lampshade.

9. HEMIDEMISEMIQUAVER - A 64th note. (A 32nd is a demisemiquaver, and a 16th note is a semiquaver.)

10. JARNS,

11. NITTLES,

12. GRAWLIX,

13. and QUIMP - Various squiggles used to denote cussing in comic books.

14. KEEPER - The loop on a belt that keeps the end in place after it has passed through the buckle.

15. KICK or PUNT - The indentation at the bottom of some wine bottles. It gives added strength to the bottle but lessens its holding capacity.

16. LIRIPIPE - The long tail on a graduate's academic hood.

17. MINIMUS - The little finger or toe.

18. NEF - An ornamental stand in the shape of a ship.

19. OBDORMITION - The numbness caused by pressure on a nerve; when a limb is `asleep'.

20. OCTOTHORPE - The symbol `#' on a telephone handset. Bell Labs' engineer Don Macpherson created the word in the 1960s by combining octo-, as in eight, with the name of one of his favourite athletes, 1912 Olympic decathlon champion Jim Thorpe.

21. OPHRYON - The space between the eyebrows on a line with the top of the eye sockets.

22. PEEN - The end of a hammer head opposite the striking face.

23. PHOSPHENES - The lights you see when you close your eyes hard. Technically the luminous impressions are due to the excitation of the retina caused by pressure on the eyeball.

24. PURLICUE - The space between the thumb and extended forefinger.

25. RASCETA - Creases on the inside of the wrist.

26. ROWEL - The revolving star on the back of a cowboy's spurs.

27. SADDLE - The rounded part on the top of a matchbook.

28. SCROOP - The rustle of silk.

29. SNORKEL BOX - A mailbox with a protruding receiver to allow people to deposit mail without leaving their cars.

30. SPRAINTS - Otter dung.

31. TANG - The projecting prong on a tool or instrument.

32. WAMBLE - Stomach rumbling.

33. ZARF - A holder for a handleless coffee cup.

Don't tell me you knew all that already.......

Why I Do What I Do

2007-01-02T10:17:00.000Z

Found this quote from Tony Campolo.

"We do not take God into places where He doesn’t exist;

we join God where God is already at work."

This reminds me why I work with young people & families in tough situations.

Remind me Oh God afresh when I forget or lose sight of Your picture.

Best of List of 2006

2007-01-01T20:27:00.000Z

So, I 'borrowed' this idea from Marko (YS fame) and decided to produce a shorter version of my 'best of 2006'.

Best Book (s)

Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell

Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver

Both books challenge my theology & lifestyle. Highly recommend reading them both.

Best Music

Live Lounge Album (Various Artists)

Best Movie

Without doubt it has to be Little Miss Sunshine. Wins hands down. Have already blogged about it - enuff said.

Closest Book Game

2007-01-01T19:52:00.000Z

Is that how you spell close-est ??? I'm not sure.... anyways, here's what you gotta do:

The rules are:
1. Grab the nearest book (either beside your computer monitor or your bed !)
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next four sentences on your blog, along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest!

Have been meaning to do this for a while now. Haven't had a book sitting beside the computer monitor to play, but came down tonight with book in hand, so here goes.....

The book is "Velvet Elvis" by Rob Bell:

(have had to go for page 124 as 123 is a blank page)

"As his movment gathered steam, this Jewish man came to be talked about more & more as God, fully divine as well as fully human. As his followers talked about him and did what he said and told and retold his stories, the significance of his life began to take on all sorts of cosmic dimensions. They realised that something much bigger was going on here, involving them and the people around them and all of creation."

OK I cheated & copied an extra line so it'd make sense. This is one of my books of the year (will blog about this later). Rob Bell has challenged me often over the past few months through this book & through his teachings (download his sermons at Mars Hill Bible Church website). For me especially, he has challenged me to take my faith & all I've been taught & examine it for myself rather than accepting my parents/ friends/ churchs view without question. He has taken me back to the Bible & encouraged me to read Jesus' teachings in light of the culture of the day & in knowledge of how His words & actions (& those around Him) relate to the Old Testament and the signifance of this.

I encourage everyone to read this book.

You Tube & Rowan

2006-12-28T15:03:00.000Z

This post is for Rowan who posts lots of You Tube videos on his blog instead of working on his PhD - alas this will be no more (or maybe just not as often) as he enters the world of work shortly. Don't know that he comments on the videos, but Rowan, I salute you and say "Thanks for keeping me amused with all the videos and distracting me from work. I guess I shall have to find something else to keep me amused now......"

Skeletons and Closets

2006-12-28T14:43:00.000Z

So this picture is courtesy of my Emily Strange calendar. It made me smile and then stop and think. I have one or two skeletons in my closet (well maybe a few more than that). Not that I'm about to confess all here..... maybe I too need a bigger closet to hide them all in..... either that or a confessional box.

Still pondering my questions as I drive around doing "work" (yup started back today after Christmas - it feels like I just got off. Grrrrr.......). This is not the place to answer them - the answers I come up with are best left in my head (or my journal). My friend Sarah talks about "cheap intimacy" in the blog world and I've posted on it before. I guess I still think the same.... if you want to know the answers to my questions...... buy me coffee :)

Questions Questions

2006-12-22T11:04:00.000Z

Was flicking through an old notebook a couple of weeks ago & came across some notes that I'd taken when I heard John O'Donohue speak this time last year. I found a page with a list of questions I've been pondering since. some seem very pertient to me at the minute & are encouraing me to make decisions. I'll not be posting any of my answers (you have to figure your own out for yourself !!), but the questions might be something worth taking time to ponder over the Christmas season as you look to 2007.

* If you knew you couldn't fail, what would you do ?

* What are the 3 secret doors through which you could get out of your own way ?

* What decision do you need to make that you are putting off ?

* Who are the friends that you have lost ?

* What burdens can you not let go of ?

* What is the true face of your enemy ?

* Who has given you the truest gifts ?

* Who tells you the truth ?

* Who can't stand you ? (NOTE: this does not read 'who can't you stand?' that's another question for another day :) )

* What do you continue to put up with that you needn't ?

* How do your family really think of you deep down ?

* Do I know I'm alive or do I feel alive ?

* When was the last time I really listened to my heart ?

* If I could sit down with myself what would we say to each other ?

* Who can I open my heart to ?

Good questions - maybe I'll answer some of them here. But for now, my head is fried. Time for a coffee.

Advent

2006-12-18T15:38:00.000Z

Tis the season of advent - hope you are all enjoying your calendars as we countdown to Christmas Day.... I'm certainly enjoying mine (see picture) (please spot the sarcasm before I get flamed !!)

Job Interview Update

2006-11-27T22:01:00.000Z

Got a letter Saturday morning informing me that I am "through to the next stage of the interview process".

Next interview is this Thursday at 3:45pm.

** UPDATE ** 14th December

Still hadn't heard anything after my second interview so phoned them yesterday. They aren't sending out any letters of job offers (or otherwise) until after Christmas.

Feeling Thankful

2006-11-23T13:48:00.000Z

So today is Thanksgiving in America (I remembered this year cos I was speaking to my brother who lives in Ohio - he reminded me. I usually forget).

So I got to thinking this morning - "What am I thankful for ?"

I am thankful:

* that I serve a God who knows me & has called me by name

* that I serve a God who is with me in the pain, questions & struggles I face

* that I have these wonderful people in my life who I'm privileged to know - who have molded me & shaped me into the person I am today (I hope you know who you are - thank you)

* that I am blessed with wonderful friends who I can agree or disagree with and still call them friends

* that I have friends all over the world

* for my family

* that I have a roof over my head, a job to go to & clothes on my back

I have so much to be thankful for & yet don't often take the time to stop & define what (and who) I appreciate. Even tho I'm not American, I can learn from the tradition of Thanksgiving & be thankful for the blessings in my life.

What are you thankful for ?

Job Interviews & Keeping Calm

2006-11-20T21:29:00.000Z

I had a job interview this morning for a job I really really really would quite like to get. Did I mention I'd like to get this job ? It's not that I don't like my current job (I do), I think it's just time for something new.

So, was half way thru giving my answer to question one & a voice comes over the tannoy "We shall now conduct our weekly test of the fire alarm system, if you cannot hear it, please report this to security". The alarm sounded.

First off, if you can't hear the alarm, I assume you won't hear the annoucement, so how would one know to report it ??

And second off, it kinda threw me a bit. Especially when the alarm finished & the panel asked me to pick up where I left off..... couldn't really remember what I'd said & what I hadn't.

On to question two. Again, giving my answer & a voice comes over the tannoy "thank you for participating in the weekly fire alarm test."

Hmmmmmm at least it gave me opportunity to show my cool calm & collected persona under pressure.

Needless to say can't remember much about the rest of the interview.

Working Hard ?

2006-11-16T10:59:00.000Z

May I never work in a place like this where I could be dead 5 days before someone would notice ! This just proves that relationships, chats & cups of coffee are important in the workplace.

The Sound of Silence

2006-11-13T16:19:00.000Z

First they came for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up, because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up, because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn't speak up, because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me,
and by that time there was no one left to speak up for me.
-- Rev. Martin Niemoller

Have been thinking about advocacy vs. silence for a few days now & figured it was time to post something to discuss.

Things have been all over the place in my life of late. Work has been crazy & things have been difficult in my faith community & circle of friends due to a number of circumstances.

In my job, I often find myself taking on an advocacy role for the young people I work with & trying to stand up for them/ argue their point of view or for their rights with other professionals. As a friend commented to me last week it seems to be about me taking a stand against 'injustice'.

Over the past few weeks within my faith community I've found myself trying to come to terms with what i believe to be 'injustice' and how I begin to make my voice heard. I'll admit for several weeks I kept my head down & steered clear of everyone. But now I find myself questionning my actions - does my silence mean that people perceive that I agree with their actions ? Someone once said -

"Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted."

But maybe in some cases silence being misquoted is not a good thing as it may mean it is interpreted as agreement (when it's not). I guess it comes down to how we express our views opinions etc etc - we must take time to think about what & how we say things - everyone has a right to a voice - but when we speak we need to be careful how we phrase our viewpoint so as not to cause more hurt/ misunderstanding. I guess it's important not just to be heard, but to be understood.

In good conversation, people can hear each other, understand & come away with an opportunity for more conversation (thanks Davey !!)

So when is silence a good thing ? When is it not ? I'm not quite sure. But I know that standing up for the rights of the marginalised & speaking out against injustice is important to me. Maybe it's time I should start speaking up more.

U2 and Greenday

2006-11-13T15:42:00.000Z

Two of my 2 fav bands have done a collaboration.

"The Saints Are Coming...."

check it out

Christ

2006-11-09T10:26:00.000Z

Someone sent me this picture this week. I kinda like it - the more times I look at it, the more pictures I see of Christ within it. Have a look, see what you think.

Nothing Much To Say

2006-11-05T19:02:00.000Z

A couple of months ago I made a list of things I wanted to do over the coming months. One of them was to blog regularly & maybe post something once or twice a week. Except I haven't had time the past week or so to think about anything - hence the silence on the blog (don't think anyone reads this anyway !!). Work has been crazy busy. Hopefully it'll quieten down soon....... then, maybe I'll have time to blog !

Grrr at mobile phones

2006-10-24T22:04:00.000+01:00

I've come to the realisation that me & technology don't get on that well.

As a lone worker out on the road much of my working week I largely rely on my mobile phone to keep in contact with co-workers, young people, other professionals & the office.

About 4 weeks ago my work phone died - I say died, it more froze & refused to respond to my thumping buttons (even when I took the battery out it stayed on (don't ask me how !)). So I left it in to be fixed....... got it back a week later - it died exactly the same way less than 12 hrs later (imagine being woken up at 6am to your phone making wierd high pitched squeals). I left it back in & almost 3 weeks later, I picked it up yesterday being assured that it had been sent to Nokia - all parts had been replaced & yes, it was working perfectly. Well, it made it 14 hrs this time & died this morning.

So have left it in a third time (!!), actually I lie, I gave it to my boss & asked (nicely) that he would sort it (maybe throw it at a communicaton manager or something....). I now have a brick to carry around with me - I think it would be easier to have a couple of bean tins & string........

PLEASE can I just have a new phone ?

New Series Of Lost

2006-10-20T11:59:00.000+01:00

Well, listening to the radio as I type up case notes this morning I heard some good news - the new series of Lost is back on our screens in November (yea I think !!) Then I hear the other half of the news - it'll be on Sky One (boo hiss !!) guess I won't be watching it then ............................ anyone want to record it for me ?

What my computer SHOULD be saying to me

2006-10-16T09:33:00.000+01:00

I wish my computer could be this nice to me when I turn it on in the morning.

Could this be me ??

2006-10-14T10:40:00.000+01:00

So was up early this morning (unusual on a Saturday) cos I was supposed to be working. But it got cancelled (yippee in the nicest way !) - so I get a couple of hours to take easy before I head out to see friends. Came across the cartoon below.

Comes from xkcd - a site that frequently makes me smile. A site recommended by Rowan.

The thing is...... how many times am i wandering through my day & something happens too frequently that makes me think 'I should blog about this'. More often than not I don't.... I think that's a good thing.

Memory Sticks

2006-10-12T09:38:00.000+01:00

Am thinking I might get me one of these cool little gismos.

Emerge

2006-10-07T09:39:00.000+01:00

I've been thinking about whether to write about this or not for about a week now. Decided it's maybe worth saying......

Our youth HAVE to be the best bunch of youth in the world - ever !! They amaze me with their maturity, openness & walk with God. A couple of Thursday nights ago we had a open mic night (well kinda, I'd prepped a couple of the youth & asked them to share) & talked about the importance of sharing your story.

I was amazed at their openess & honesty. So many stories of how they have found God & acceptance at Emerge, through their friends there.... there are few places where I could imagine it being ok for a teenager to take a mic & say 'I don't believe what you believe '. It can't have been easy for the individual, but watching the rest of the group respond....

I think these guys give me an idea of what the early church must have been like. They inspire me & encourage me in my faith walk. They are Emerge.

A Strange Sight.......

2006-10-06T15:24:00.000+01:00

.... greeted me as I was driving down the Lisburn Road this morning at about 7:50am. Eight girls in their strappy dresses holding up their skirts & stepping over puddles. They must have been at their school formal last night. They looked frozen ! My lasting thought was "Does their mother know they are out like that ?" I must be getting old.....

Quote of the Day

2006-09-30T11:39:00.000+01:00

"Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed."

G K Chesterton

Read Books ?

2006-09-26T09:00:00.000+01:00

So if you are an avid book reader and living in the UK you might be interested in the website Readitswapit

The idea of the site is that you register the books you've read & would be willing to swap (there are currently 67533 books in the library). You check out the library of books & if you find one you like you initiate a swap with the person who owns the book. They choose one of your books & you post them to each other. A (nearly) new book to read for the price of a stamp !

The site works a bit like ebay in that users rate each other on the swap.

I've swapped 39 books so far and counting. Much cheaper than going to Waterstones, and just like browsing a charity shop without leaving your home.

Check it out and give it a go.

Songs that connect

2006-09-24T19:16:00.000+01:00

Your love, Your everlasting love
Transforms me
Your love, Your everlasting love
Transforms me
And it brings me to my knees again
It brings me to my knees again
I worship on my knees again

Your grace, your unending grace
It lifts me
Your grace, your unending grace
It lifts me
And it brings me to my knees again
It brings me to my knees again
I worship on my knees again

Your blood, unfailing blood
It saves me
Your blood, unfailing blood
It saves me
And it brings me to my knees again
It brings me to my knees again
I worship on my knees again

Great is Your name
Great is Your name
Great is Your name
In all the earth

(by Aaron Boyd)

I first heard this song when the wonderfully talented Emma H sang it one night at Emerge. Her singing and the words blew me away. The words are so simple & yet profound.

No matter how I "feel" or what is going on in my life this is one song that reminds my heart who this God is that I worship. No matter what the circumstances my heart sings & I raise my hands, my heart in worship.

Are there songs that connect others to God like this ? Would love to hear people's thoughts.

Arrrrr..... shiver me timbers...... walk the plank......

2006-09-19T21:24:00.000+01:00

Yes, in case you haven't heard, today is "international talk like a pirate day"

So if you haven't yet - get out your pirate costume, hop round on one leg & practice your lines. And if you're reading this tomorrow, there is always next year........

2006-09-14T12:25:00.000+01:00

Someone emailed this to me this morning. I've seen it before, but it still makes me laugh.

Spooks

2006-09-13T18:57:00.000+01:00

yeah :) Spooks is back on our screens this Sunday night. Spooks is my all time fav TV programme - something in me must long to be an MI5 agent.

Can't wait.

As the saying goes MI5 not 9 to 5.

Little Miss Sunshine

2006-09-13T00:02:00.000+01:00

Went to see "Little Miss Sunshine" tonite. I love Crazy Tuesdays at the cinema !! I haven't laughed & cried so much during the same movie in a very long time & it's even longer since I've heard a film get a round of applause.

The basic premise is of a family travelling from Albuquerque to California to allow the 7 yr old daughter (Olive) to compete in a beauty pagent. The script writers have done a great job of making the family "real" - I could actually imagine myself being part of this dysfunctional family.

My favourite character without doubt was the Nietzsche reading teen who had taken a vow of silence until he was accepted to flight school. There is this great point in the film where the family are talking about going on the road trip when he writes a note declaring "I'll go on the trip but I'm not having fun". How many stroppy teenagers have declared that over the years ?

The themes of loss & family were challenging - every character lost something in the film, but banded together at the end to protect Olive's dream (& her) realising "family" was what mattered.

Great choice of film Rowan. Would definately watch it again.

Anyone else seen it ? Any thoughts ?

Jesus gets things wrong ??

2006-09-10T19:31:00.000+01:00

I'm reading a novel I picked up in a charity shop somewhere for light entertainment at the minute. There was a line in it that has stuck with me for a couple of days now. The character was talking about life in the deep south (US) & how blacks & whites weren't meant to worship together. On being challenged by the local minister as to what Jesus would say, she replied "I know full well what Our Lord would say... Our Lord would be wrong...."

It got me thinking. How often do we know full well what Jesus would say about a topic or something we face in our lives & decide we know better.

What would he say in response to how we welcome the alcoholic/ homeless into our church/ home ?

What would he say in response to the magazines we buy/ books we read/ websites we visit ?

What would he say in response to how we spend/ don't spend out money ?

Who are we to think we know better than the One who made us ?

Survived !

2006-09-04T20:03:00.000+01:00

Well, survived the camping - actually it was alot of fun.

Almost got drowned by the vast quantity of rain that fell Fri night til Sat lunchtime - am sure i looked like a drowned rat, but hey who do i need to impress ??

Sat night the wind was kinda strong - think casulties included a couple of gazebo type things that blew away.

Thanks to Gavin, Davey, Denise & Dave for organising it - youse did great & we can't wait for the week long camp next year......

Gone Camping

2006-09-01T10:50:00.000+01:00

OK I think I've lost it.

We are going camping this weekend - when I say we - the first City Church grand camp at
Tollymore Forest Park in Newcastle
It sounded like a great idea back in June when it was sunny. Except that it has been raining all week. I expect that we shall be washed into the Shimna River.

I love camping/ being outdoors & I guess its no fun unless you wake up with a leaky tent in the morning.

So am heading down after work with my tent & disposable bbq. Bring on the S'mores.

I'm an Aunt !!

2006-08-30T20:35:00.000+01:00

Hello world - meet my first niece

Lauren Anne 7lbs 6oz born on Sunday 27th Aug. I'll not see her til Christmas cos she lives in America :(

Will write about Zambia in the next few days (now that I'm starting to get my head round it !)

Zambia Here I Come

2006-08-03T23:12:00.000+01:00

I can't believe it's finally here - our money is raised, my packing is done, passport & spending money is ready - all i have to do now is get on a plane !!

Tomorrow morning 23 (13 youth & 10 adults) of us head off bright & early on our jouney to Zambia. We are going to build houses with Habitat for Humanity in Lusaka for a week & then travel to Livingstone to see Victoria Falls (one of the natural wonders of the world) & maybe a spot of white water rafting down the Zambezi River (grade 5 rapids all the way !!)

Please pray for us - I'm the only first aider on the trip - please pray for our saftey. As long as blisters are all i have to deal with i'll be happy.......

Will keep you updated on how we get on.

For more info on Zambia see here

I'm soooo glad I don't have kids

2006-07-14T10:19:00.000+01:00

this reminds me why i am more than happy to look after kids (in their own houses) and hand them back at the end of the day...........

Bonfire Night

2006-07-12T20:25:00.000+01:00

Photos from 11th night bonfire in Kilcooley, Bangor

E Bay

2006-04-30T20:57:00.000+01:00

If I'd have known that this was up for sale I might have put a bid on. Don't know that I Would have won - I don't have £15 000 to spare (or 15 pence for that matter !!). But it would be my dream come true to fly in one of these things.........

Building Houses

2006-04-10T09:17:00.000+01:00

So as you may know after a bit of a break I got involved with our amazing youth again in January.

I was asked last month if I would join them as a late addition on a Habitat for Humanity team. So this August I am off to Zambia for 2 weeks to build houses. We're going to be in Lusaka (the capital) and hope to build 3 houses.

It's kind of ironic (is that the right word?) that I am building houses when I am trying to buy one for myself. Actually that's on hold as I can't afford a house - the prices have gone up so much. Maybe I'll build one for myself after the summer - ha ha !!

And so begins the fundraising & round of injections....... will keep you informed of all the fun with that :)

A Really Cool Pic

2006-03-06T20:43:00.000Z

So there is this house on the street beside our church that has been lying half open to the world for the past few months. I've always wanted to take a pic of it before it got built over, but kept forgetting my camera (duh!!) My friend Rowan took some pics last month & photoshopped it into this - I think it's amazing & wanted to share it with the world. :) You might need to launch it in a separate window to trully appreciate it.....

His website for his other masterpieces is found here

Life Languages

2006-02-26T19:16:00.000Z

its been soooooo long since i posted anything on my blog - I'm such a bad blogger :(

I have good intentions - I keep thinking about it & things happen in my life that i think I really should put that in my blog....... but then i don't get around to it.

So...... we had James & Denise Jordan from Fatherheart Ministries come to our church last weekend. It was the first time they had been in Northern Ireland. We were blessed to have them & hopefully they'll come back one day soon (We had been praying & planning this weekend for nearly 3 years !)

On another note, after hearing loads of people talk about it over the past few years & thinking I really should look into it more, I took the Life Languages Profile test thingy this week. I wasn't surprised to find my primary language was a "Responder" (tho it was higher than I thought it would be). I was surprised to find my second language was "Contemplator" - I thought I would be a "Doer" I think I've worked out I "do" out of responding to my caring & wanting to help others. I did feel a wee bit boxed by the profile that I printed out - only cos it described me so accurately (that was scary) ...... but it's helped me understand me & why I react the way I do in situations & has in some small way affirmed me in what I 'need' from others around me & that I'm not going nuts ! I'm hoping it'll help me know how better respond to others around me (once i work out what their language is) in situations & that it'll give me confidence to say 'no' to people & not feel so guilty about it - watch this space.

Choice

2005-11-17T21:44:00.000Z

A very sad thing happened last week - I turned on our TV to watch my favourite programme (Spooks) and was greeted with a blue line across the screen and perfect sound.......

Our TV had got sick (sniff sniff).

And so it went to the repair man....... who had it all weekend.

I usually don't watch much TV but coming home from work & seeing a gaping hole where it used to sit.........

It made me think about choice. I've always said that when I get my own place I don't want a TV in it. It was strange how much I felt differently when it was gone - I almost went out & bought a portable one (sad I know!!) !! People in work were horrified that we didn't have one in every room.

It was strange how my "need"/ desire for a TV changed when my choice was taken away as to whether or not I wanted it. I wonder what else this could be true of...... and the question now is -

will i survive without a TV in my own place ??

A Very Addictive Game

2005-11-07T15:15:00.000Z

So, I've found this game about eggs It does my head in. Have a go & see what you think - one way of whiling away your hours at the office or in class :)

Thought for the Day

2005-10-19T16:04:00.000+01:00

Too many people believe their doubts & doubt their beliefs

In Honour of Sarah......./ Cheap Intimacy

2005-10-18T20:17:00.000+01:00

So its my last day here - am sitting in the solarium listening to Longview on my ipod & checking my emails & thinking I should post my thoughts on my often neglected blog (I told Sarah I would days ago......) This entry is in honour of her.

I can't believe I've been here 10 days - it feels like forever & yet like I only arrived yesterday at the same time. It's been a really good vacation - having the chance to hang out, take space, eat good food (you're a great cook Sarah!!) drink coffee, & watch an entire series of Lost was just what I needed........ if you haven't done it before, I don't recommend trying to work an entire summer without a break. It would be great to stay longer - move in with sarah for real & be a room-mate, but I guess I have a job & stuff I need to go home to......

So the point of this entry - blogging - is it really cheap intimacy ? Sharing my innermost thoughts with a few (select) friends around the world (yes if I've given you this website you are honoured & select!!) & any strangers who happen to somehow (?) stumble on this page......... I don't honestly know - Sarah says "yes it is". I don't think it is - I don't share my innermost thoughts I guess -they go in my journal. I read somewhere this week that you can't be intimate with God unless you are honest with Him, maybe that's true for blogging. But I guess while I'm honest on these pages, I'm not at the spill my guts level - if anyone really wants to know how I'm doing, they can always email or call.......... intimacy works in both directions - someone is going to have to be interested & care enough before I'll tell them what is really going on behind the mask. Maybe some blogs try to be intimate - it is easier to write about what is going on than talk about it - but I guess what I'm saying is you probably won't find my secret thoughts or heart's cry on this blog - for that you'll have to buy me a coffee :)

Ummm that was a bit of a ramble.......

Lost

2005-10-17T16:31:00.000+01:00

So I admit it - I'm an addict.

The Lost series has only started airing back home and because i'm often out in the evenings i'd only seen a random few episodes. Over the past week I'vewatched most of the first season on DVD - I'm hooked - I ended up watching half the series across Friday & Saturday - I realise I don't have a life (that reminds me of one of the episodes where Shannon (sad that I can name them all......) talks about being home on a Saturday night)- we just have to track down the last DVD to watch the last 4 episodes & then I can go home & spoil the storyline for everyone.

Maybe I should start a group for Lost addicts ?? "Hi my name is Deirdre & I'm a lost addict"
Ummm........ I can think of a few who my join me in working through my addiction.

It has been good cos I can't think of the last time when I sat down & did as little as this....... it's been a good rest, even though when I go home & people ask me what I did on my vacation & I tell them I watched the Lost series - their looks of pity will be worth it. Who need sightseeing ?

In all honesty though, I've found it thought provoking - there are stories of grace, forgiveness & redemption in most episodes. It's been worth it.

Holidaying in the US

2005-10-14T16:34:00.000+01:00

So after too many months am finally back in the US. My journey is 2 fold -

1. my little (well he's still taller, just younger) brother got married in Solon, Ohio last week. My family came over for the wedding. He married a girl from London.... why they couldnt come to the UK to get married is beyond me - it would've been cheaper to get 2 people to travel back to us than get 20 people (between both families) to fly out here........ but no matter.

2. The better half of my trip & my vacation for the year........ has been to pay a visit to Sarah Wagler. I've been staying with her this week - I"m here another 6 days - I don't want to leave, but am not thinking about that right now - I'll just enjoy the time I have.

It's been so much fun - though it would be said my girly side comes out when I'm with Sarah - I find myself doing things like teaching her to cook ...... knitting (!?! - I haven't done that in about 20 years, but have managed to knit a autumnal scarf without dropping too many stitches)...... clothes shopping (let's face it, I hate clothes shopping, even if you wouldnt thin k it by the amount of stuff I bought in Old Navy - my excuse is it hasn't made it to Ireland yet. I LOVE OLD NAVY !!)...... BUT the best thing of all I think we have done so far is BELLY DANCING !! Yup, you read right..... Sarah, Charlie, Hannah & I went last night all ready to shake our booties (or should that be bellies ?). It was a lot of fun - though it would be said Sarah has the moves, I only have the belly...... I think I need to practice some before we go next week. It really is very graceful (not at all what I expected), I might even be graceful one day - if i could do any of the moves..... I might have to check out a class at home. I shall keep you posted.....

such a bad blogger...... & holidays !!

2005-09-11T21:44:00.000+01:00

I'm such a bad blogger - I can't BELIEVE how much i suck at this - seriously, I'm going thru my day & something happens & I think "oh, I should blog about this" ......... & then I don't get round to it.

Like a couple of weeks ago I was off for the bank holiday - my first day off all summer, & I wake up at 7:30 AM !!!!! with no mission of going back to sleep or getting a lie in. The next day - when I'm supposed to be at work, my alarm clock doesn't go off & I sleep in til 9:55am (I'm supposed to be meeting a client at 10am 30 miles away..............) . I was a little bit late for that one - opps !

Finished with my first client last week - had been working with him for 7 months (since I started this job). It was strange saying goodbye - he was like out the door of the car before it had stopped & half way to his house before I could say "nice working with you, stay out of trouble....". In the nicest way possible I hope I don't see him again !! I suspect I might tho.......It was hard saying goodbye to his mum - we've got close & I've got to know her pretty well. I'll miss her - I guess this is the hard bit - walking away. In church work it felt like I could walk with people forever, but in this job relationships are short term & I only have a short time to try to make a difference. I guess it should be up to God anyway........

I'm getting ready for my summer hols - my brother is getting married in Cleveland in October, so with an excuse for a wee jaunt across the Atlantic I'll be there to be the (still single & unmarried) big sister - at least there won't be alot of my relatives there asking when I'm 'tying the knot' - ummmm just have to find the other half before I can do that ! We'll leave those round of questions for the blessing service at Christmas. The best bit about this trip is going to be post-wedding chaos when I get to stay with the ever-amazing Sarah W - can't wait to see you babe !!

New Blog Layout

2005-08-05T13:20:00.000+01:00

well, i decided it was time for a few changes in my life - so I started with my blog layout (well you got to start somewhere !!).

Now I see I've lost all the formatting on my previous posts. I've absolutely no idea how to change them (having spent the last hour trying). I give up. They can stay the way they are....... who'll read them anyway ???

On another note - if you want to read some interesting thoughts on silence, check out this link

Amazing Post

2005-07-15T13:51:00.000+01:00

I wish I could take the credit for the post below - one of my friends sent it to me a couple of weeks ago - it blew me away:

Girl of Your Dreams

In The Subtlety of Emotions, Aaron Ben Ze’ ev talks about reasons people fall in love and the way that the beloved, or supposed beloved, perceives these reasons. He says that there are superficial reasons people believe that they are loved, such as money or beauty, and reasons that are perceived as not being superficial but really are. It is rare that anyone says, “You only love me for my wisdom” or “You only love me for my kindness.” While kindness and wisdom might hold more weight than money and beauty, in the end, they ring just as hollow so far as reasons to love someone.

When people talk about their ideal spouse, they always generate a list of qualities that they find desirable. They want beauty and intelligence, humor and compassion, zeal for life, love for the Lord, blond hair and blue eyes. People of a particular denomination of the church typically want someone who is also of that denomination (“a nice Catholic girl,” or “a nice Southern Baptist girl with a few Reformed tendencies, but who understands the importance of missions and speaking in tongue”). We tend to find someone attractive when they share similar interests; same movies, same records, same doctrinal statements. But this has more to do with our love of self. We want, or think we want, someone who is like us. We say, “I just want the things that are important to her to be important to me, too” and “I think it’s important that two people share their interests.”

Jesus had a dream girl. Jesus had a girl that He wanted to marry for several thousand years. But she treated him like shit. She slept with everyone, she didn’t stop until there was a checkmark next to every name in the phonebook. And Jesus, above just hearing the rumors, had to watch every one of these sexual encounters in excruciating detail. He saw every thrust of the hips and heard every whispered word.

Jesus was a rich man, and His dream girl was a poor hooker. They really only had one thing in common and that was that they were both desperately in love with the same person. Jesus loved the poor hooker, and the poor hooker loved herself. The poor hooker never made enough money to pay her rent, and so she went to Jesus whenever she came up short. Jesus never gave her exact change. The fifty dollars she needed was always sandwiched between a stack of hundred bills he would hand her, and he would generally give her a new Lexus and a few homes in upstate New York whenever she stopped by. The poor hooker would always say, “You’re always so nice to me. Man, I’m never going to sleep with anyone else again. I’m with you from now on.” And then she would drive her new car to a pay-by-the-hour motel and sleep with a dozen guys who had AIDS and would beat her when they were finished with her. They would steal her car and her money and then she would call Jesus, and she would be crying and blubbering and saying how awful it had been, and then Jesus would drive to the bad section of town and pick her up, take her back to His home and clean her up. After she showered and Jesus had bandaged up all her wounds, they would sit in the living room and talk.

“I have something for you,” Jesus would say, and then He would give her the moon.

“I have something for you, too,” she would say proudly, and then she would hand him a trash bag filled with used tampons.

“Thank you!” Jesus would say, “These are great.”

“Your present isn’t too bad, either, I guess,” she would say, and stuff the moon into her purse.

At night, she would go to the best room in the house, and Jesus would lay awake and wait for the sound of footsteps and the front door. Every night, at around two in the morning, the floors would creak and He would hear the car start in the driveway. Jesus would get out bed and go talk to His Father.

“I still love her,” Jesus would say.

“I still love her, too,” said Jesus’ Father.

“I still love her, too,” said their Love.

This continued for century after century after century, until Jesus told His father that He had to leave home for a while. He knew this was the only way that He’d ever get to marry the girl of His dreams.

“Where are you going to go?” asked His Father.

“I’m going to live in the bad section of town,” said Jesus.

“And then what will you do?” asked His Father.

“I’m going to kill her pimp,” said Jesus.

And so Jesus went and lived in the bad section of town for many years. On the night that He went to kill the hooker’s pimp, the hooker waited in the closet of the pimps room. When Jesus burst through the door of the pimps room, the hooker came out from the closet pointing a gun of her own at Jesus.

“I love you,” said Jesus to the hooker.

“I love my pimp,” said the hooker coldly, and they both fired at the same time.

Both men’s bodies fell limp on the floor. After several days had passed, Jesus stood up from the dirty floor and went to find the hooker. When He had found her, He said, “I have to go back to my Father’s house, but I’m going to leave Love with you.” And the hooker took Jesus Love, and Jesus left with the promise that He would be back for her after He had finished making a house that would suit both of them to live in.

And the Love took the hooker off the street and gave her a fine house to live in, and clothes that covered her body properly, and good food to eat (her refrigerator had previously been stocked with nothing but spoiled salad dressing and wilted vegetables). And so Jesus returned to His Father’s home. The hooker would call Jesus, but she was barely literate and could only speak in one syllable words. Whenever Jesus Father asked what the hooker said, Jesus always retold the hookers words in fine poetry. Jesus still sent lavish gifts to the hooker. The hooker would still send her tampons to Jesus with a note (in crooked, childish, crayon writing) which said, “Pleez giv thees two yer dad.” Jesus would turn the tampons into fist sized jewels and give them to His father saying, “Look what she sent!” Although Jesus sent only the best presents, the hooker would still sometimes go back to the rotting body of her dead pimp and try to kiss it and make love to it. On Sundays, the hooker would come to Jesus Father’s house for lunch. After several minutes in the house, Jesus would smell the air and know that the hooker had carved off some piece of the pimps body and brought it with her in her purse. After she left, and while she was on her way back to her home, trying to decide if she should stop off at her pimps house for another roll in the hay, Jesus and His Father would sit in the living room and talk together.

“She’s a fine girl,” Jesus would said.

“Yes. Yes, she is,” His Father would reply.

Although not every aspect of this story is directly applicable to the discussion of an ideal spouse, it should greatly inform a single man’s opinions of his dream girl. In reality, it is almost always the case that the man in a relationship is more like the hooker in the story above than the woman is. Most men marry way out of their league, and yet I still hear single guys talk about the girl of their dreams. It’s not so much that they have a dream girl that seems wrong, it is that their dream girl is always already perfect. The Lord has a girl of His dreams and it is us, and we know what we’re like at our very cores. Jesus didn’t come to earth looking for a nice Presbyterian girl who liked Radiohead and The Flaming Lips just like He did, who had large breasts, long legs and wide hips and thought that infant baptism was really important, too. He came for us, and before we knew Him, we were emaciated whores.

If you are a single Christian man, do not go out and marry a whore. Only Jesus was strong enough to do this. Consider the girl of your dreams, though. Write out everything that you want. Use two pages if you need to. Then spend an hour repeatedly asking yourself, “Who do I think I am?” You will know you have the right answer when you throw your list away.

posted by Joshua Gibbs at 2.6.05

What do you reckon ?

no one said this job would be easy.....

2005-07-15T13:40:00.000+01:00

and it certainly isn't. Got a phone call on Sunday morning to say that one of the young men we had been working with (& had just finished the program) hung himself last Friday night. His funeral was on Tuesday, his 14th birthday.....

It's a week on & the questions don't lessen or get answered - was it an accident ? could we have done anything more ? how do we prevent this from happening again ?

I guess this is where I have to say, at least whatever was troubling him so much, I pray he is at peace now, in the arms of Jesus. I couldn't cope with believing he is in hell.

The Best Worship Service I've Ever Been To

2005-06-26T20:36:00.000+01:00

I went to a U2 concert on Friday night in Croke Park, Dublin - it was the best worship service I've ever been to. God was truly present. The gig had all the elements of a worship service. Worship (you try listening to 80 000 people singing Yahweh with their hands in the air - I wonder how many knew who they were singing too ? or singing I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For......); a preach (about social justice & how as one person we don't think we can do a lot, but if we all do it, look at the difference we can make - he got us all to hold up our mobile/ cell phones with the back light on - the stadium lighting up was amazing).

Bono for one was (in my opinion) truly worshipping. At several points he stopped & related everything back to Jesus (His words were - "at the end of the day it all comes back to Jesus".) He changed the lyrics of some of his songs so that they were overtly Christian. We could see him praying. There was very little attitude of performance present from the band. They came out with no pomp or ceremony - just walked onto the stage & got on with it. (Tho maybe when you are U2 you can do that !)

It was strange - I was at a worship concert with a few of our youth recently (i'll not name the band, suffice to say they are pretty famous in Christian circles :) ) - our youth hated it - they said there was too much performance from the band & it wasn't about God.

It's got me thinking, that U2 concert may be as close as some will ever get to "church" - I reckon God spoke to many & used Bono & the guys to call people's hearts home to Him. How often do we write off Christian 'rockstars' who go mainstream as having sold out to 'the world' instead of praying for them as God uses them as a witness ?

We sang a song at church last week - one of the lines said "I'm singing just to see you smile" - I think God was smiling Friday night (& probably had his air guitar/ drum kit out too).

and the best news of all......

2005-05-10T18:58:00.000+01:00

I forgot to tell you the best news of all ....... do you know my friend Angela ? I don't know if you met her or not - she works in the Holyland around the church. I've got to know her & have prayed on & off for her for a couple of years now -she is amazing. She got saved about a month ago. PTL !!

So cool - God finally got her - she said she was standing brushing her teeth one night thinking about how she could have handled a situation differently & said "What could I have done differently ?" & God said "you could have asked Me." And that was it.....

She is so on fire for God - she has her "hit list" drawn up & is such a natural evangelist - look out world !! She is so fresh in her faith - it's refreshing to spend time with someone who doesn't know "how to speak & act Christian" - o that we could all be like her.

Would love to get her to Toronto, but I'm not sure Toronto is ready for her :)

well its been a while folks

2005-05-05T09:36:00.000+01:00

well, its been ages since i've looked at my blog....... and even longer since i wrote - I'm such a bad blogger :(

the Neil Anderson conference went really well - we set a new record for selling books in the UK (N. Irish people love their books !!). We had a lot of fun - Neil is a really neat guy - he came and sat with us behind the book stall during the breaks (how many other folks do you know do that ??) We got to go out for dinner with him before he left. I learnt alot from him over the conference - if you get a chance to hear him at TACF you should go.

My job - well i've been in it 3 months now - wow - it seems a long time when its written down :) I'm settling in ok i think - I have 2 kids aged 14 & 15 (both boys !) who are out on bail (for what you'd rather not know !! lets just say its serious) - I spend 15 hrs a week with each of them & their families. I get to fight.... I mean talk with social workers, the courts and many other red tape supplying folks - its heartbreakin to see these kids caught up in a system supposed to serve them that seems to me to be doin more damage... many tears shed..... many prayers prayed.

lots of excitin stuff happenin with church and the cafe - but not sure how to put it in words - when i figure that out i'll let you know

well, onwards & upwards - time for work :)

God is faithful !!

2005-03-02T20:57:00.000Z

since you asked so nicely Andrew - I'm posting something . Actually, its a really good article. Something I've been thinking about - its the kinda article I would expect Sarah Dailey to write......

I'm helping run a Neil Anderson "Freedom in Christ" conference for the next few days, I have so much to write - so much to say. I promise to write more at the start of next week - you can remind me if I don't !!

Suffice to start with God is so incredibly faithful - why do I doubt Him ? When I didn't make it thru my medical he surrounded me with amazing friends - thanx Helen, Heather & Mark - you guys rock !! who hugged me, loved me, prayed for me & were there for me. I so appreciate you all. Both of my jobs which I had resigned from kept me on for another month & then allowed me to leave on a week's notice.

My new job is hard to describe - I'll write more next week

Did I tell you all I'll be in Ohio in October for about 2 weeks - am gonna stay for most of it with the amazing Sarah Wagler - we should arrange a reunion......

Life is Shit

2004-12-20T22:04:00.000Z

Just failed the medical. Can't start the job.

Can't even put into words how I feel - please don't comment that "God knows what He's doing" - He may, but I don't need to hear that right now.

ummm.... well its been a while

2004-12-20T10:35:00.000Z

wow can't believe it's been so long since i've written here. so much has happened. the short sotry would be -

I've got a new job. well when i say *got* - I don't actually have it yet !! I have a medical for it this afternoon. After that hopefully I'll have it. It's working in an intensive bail support program with 10-17 year olds. I'm gonna be working with them & putting stuff in place so that they dont reoffend while they are out on bail (or ever I hope!).

The unfortunate thing is that I'm gonna have to get a new wardrobe (not literally ! - clothes wise) - I'm gonna be in court etc so have to wear suits (argh!!!!!). A bit of a change from the usual hoodie & 4 pairs of jeans that I own!!

That's all i really know. I'm excited. It's meant I've handed in my resignation for working for Tescos and City Church. It's been kind of bittersweet doing that - I've enjoyed workin there (at both!) but it's time to move on.

Daddy God has blessed me with this amazing opportunity to move into an area I'm passionate about. I'm excited to see what else He has for me - this feels so like a new season for me. Things are changing in so many areas of my life. I'm in a great place right now :)

As for Christmas - am so unorganised. Have done about half the present shopping I need to & written zero Christmas cards - so anyone Canada/ Stateside probably won't be getting them until Christmas 2005 - consider this your card - love you guys - Happy Christmas !! I am so unorganised (really unlike me I know !) - its quite strange this new me, but i'm not stressed - I actually quite like it ! Am off today so am heading shopping for the final time after my medical.

new favourite drink

2004-11-18T13:55:00.000Z

well, having lived in Common Grounds for the past couple of months, I went somewhere else today (well the person I was meeting couldn't make it up to our place....). Ended up meeting in Starbucks. Now I havent been in Starbucks in like forever - its been open here for about 6 months and this was the first time I'd been in. I dont agree with all their policies so I tend to avoid it. Anyways, my new drink is Gingerbread Latte - it is a taste of Christmas. Just have to see if our guys can match it now :)

Bath

2004-10-25T18:03:00.000+01:00

Well, I'm back. It was great to be away for a few days at the conference in Bath - had a lot of fun - it was good to see Nicola, Gail, Mary, Julia (all from my LSOM last year) and Adele etc. Wish i could've seen them all for longer.

We were staying in a cute B & B round the corner (literally) from the church - was handy when we had to carry people home !! We had these two guys with us who've only been Christians for a couple of months - their first experience of all this was walking into the auditorium & seeing the pastors get prayed for - people manifesting all over the place. They were completely blown away - spent hours on the carpet & are changed people. Awesome !

Wish I could say the same for me..... I enjoyed hearing the speakers - was good to have lot of teaching reinforced & God spoke to me in that. But ministry brought up issues for me - mainly my rejection ones when the prayer team prayed for people up to me, walked around me & my friend & picked up praying for people on the other side of us. Ummmmmmmm.......

The worship was great tho & the anointing of God was so strong - people being healed & minsitered too all over the place. But all in all, I will keep on pressing in cos I know God has loads for me :)

All Done !

2004-10-20T18:40:00.000+01:00

Well made it to the dentist (my fav place in the world.......) on Monday avo. S'funny cos on Sunday Mark had been teaching about handling your emotions n stuff. So as i'm heading out to the dentist he's shouting after me to remember the teaching. Thought about it as I drove over. Came up with this : My primary emotion is fear because my experience as a child with dentists wasn't a good one. Now that I am an adult, dentistry has come along way, I have a new & good dentist now, so i don't need to be afraid. So I sat in the chair and repeated 'God is with me, & I dont need to be afraid cos its not going to hurt as much.' And guess what ???? It didn't. PTL !!!!

So now I'm all done :) The down side is that it cost me £100 :( and now I'm on a dental insurance programme that I have to pay for every month.........

but feeling way happier now that I dont have to see the dentist for 6 months.

On another note heading to Bath tomorrow to Bath City Church for a "Healing, Wholeness and Freedom Conference" run by TACF - looking forward to getting away & to seeing people again as well as hearing & experiencing God again - it's been a while.